Starting point
There are so many things I want to write about, so many things I want to say, and do, that everything becomes an amalgam and mush and I end up doing nothing for the longest time. Let me just start small, with this post, and see what happens if I don’t give up. I’ll take my time, sure, but I’ll show up, because this is the year I’ve started to say “YES!!” to myself and figure the rest out afterwards. I don’t mean this in a selfish way, and I find it jarring I even have to mention this - is it just me, or just us, women, with so much doubt? I’m tired of it.
The starting point has been exactly this - showing up for myself every day. At first it felt funny, like I was supposed to take care of everyone and everything else first and then, if there is time, to think of myself. I dared to switch it up back in January and I got back to writing and doing what I love in July. It took me a minute, but I had to catch up on many things I have neglected.
For the most part, I’ve realized while reading a few books on art and other such topics, I feared judgement mixed with a fear of the unknown. Then I’ve realized that cliches become so because they contain truth - so the “people will judge you no matter what you do” started to ring differently, somehow. I mentioned “art books and such topics” because this not what I normally read. However, branching out of my usual type of literature has helped tremendously, because, like in many other instances, the best ideas come from outside your comfort zone / industry.
I don’t have the secret sauce on what flipped inside me, but I guess I just got tired of holding myself back, too, when so many other things already do. I want this platform to be ours - mothers who refuse to loose themselves, women who love beautiful things, who find joy in getting dressed, who show up for themselves the same way we show up for our families. Women who want to stop hiding for fear of judgement, who want to laugh and have a good moment with girlfriends and enjoy a moment to themselves as well, without guilt.
Dea